The Home

How to obliterate stains

Stains are pesky little things that ruin our favorite clothes forever. Or they use to. Below is a chart that I use on how to treat every stain that comes my way.

Stain Treatment Celebration
Coffee Laundry Detergent + Cold Water Listen to an obscure indie band on your record player
Gum Freezer Bag + Butter Knife Go play soccer with your bros
Orange Juice Dish Soap + White Vinegar + Cold Water Treat yourself to a muffin
Chocolate Paper towel + Milk OR

Laundry Detergent + Cold Water

Watch a Rom-Com (preferably one from the early 2000s) on Netflix
Peanut Butter Dish Soap + Butter Knife + Warm Water Play “Let it Go” on the piano
Grease Toothbrush + Corn Starch + Stain Remover Go to a snazzy car show nearby or watch Top Gear in a leather jacket
Blood Cold Water + Laundry Detergent Text the squad groupchat (bonus points if the name has emojis) a joke and wait for the laugh reactions to roll in
Grass Stain Remover + Toothbrush Go walk your dog (if you don’t have a dog then “borrow” your neighbor’s dog for this celebration)

Now go clean up your stains and stop letting your life look like a informercial.

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